so what now ?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
i'm gonna start reading up my ss venice for tmr's lesson~ but something is bothering me.
faun's and jiaying's words gone into me , yes i admit.
i dunnno why but when i heard wat they told me , i got the urge to burst out crying . but i controlled it.
i dun wanna to cry again infront of them , it's not becuase they are not my friends or wat, infact they are my closest .
i just dun wan them to see me cry and comfort me cus i noe i will cry more then in the end i dunno why i cry .
they say i actually dun like him anymore , it's just tat i cant bear to let go of our past , cant bear to let go of our memories. maybe i agree but y are my moods still controlled by him ?
can someone just tell me the ans? it's like so much harder then solving a A math Q.
omg.
faun was right.
sometimes , i want to let go but i on the other side , i dun wan to .
sometimes , i dun wan to let go but on the other side , i have to .
everytime i feel helpless and i cant find anyone . i just wan to msg him even if it's just a word "goodnight" to him , when he reply , i just feel a bit comforted . it's like i dun need many ppl to be there for me but just a msg . can anyone understand ?
recently , i feel like i'm disociated from others , including my girls . i dunno y but i just feel like i'm the only one in this world and i'm seperated from all of them . i dunno y i feel this way but aiyaa , i dunno leh .
maybe i'm getting some sort of craziness . hah~
okay i go study liao BYEBYE !
Saturday, July 2, 2011
I always thought i will be able to stay cheeerful no matter wat happen in my sec 4 life but of cus things always goes the unexpected way .first thing tat made me change back was nic's words but for now , i'm really quite okay wif it already . for info*she sadid she dislike me cus i act cute and act guai*
second thing is my family prob la , i mean some family really do have prob but i will face it still cus i noe i'm still quite small * which i dun think so* and i cant do anything to help too~
then come mic . for him , i promised i wont drop a tears for him mean i wont and i didn but i noe when ever i need protections , care and comfort , he's the one that i always think of .
i noe he's not mine already but at least i can still msg him . just looking at his msg , i noe thing will be alright *though it seems to be ridiculous and sound like i'm having a hua chi over him* but then tat's the truth and i wont deny abt it.
then came my studies . i dunno y this year like no motivations to study . i noe it's wrong but i just cant seem to find it. but i will still try .
even though i'm stress out but i noe i can . i believe i can .
because of all this thing , i know i've change to another person again .
always daydreaming and staring into blank space . maybe i just wan to be in my world where there's nothing and i can be who i am .
jy , yt and faun say i'm like a walking zombie cus i become so quiet and strange .
well , i cant denied it but sometimes i just wan to be quiet cus like no mood like tat.
i noe ur dun understand i explain :D the feelings is like when u have menses , understand ??
okay it's 3am now and i'm still here blogging . i must be crazy .
I MISS HEATHER LIN A LOT . saw you tag le okay ! when i have time i will write long long emails to u again de <3
It's time i let others to have a chance to love me more.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
hello lovies !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry for abandoning this blog for so long .
u noe , kinda busy wif many stuff hahah!
got alot of post tonight too <3
must read finish my this long long post okay <3
hmmm...
first , went back to malaysia two weeks ago for two days <3
went there and went to find my two lovely cousin , jia wei and jia jing.
they both super funny lor~
talked and eat mac wif them
then ltr at night , big cousin took me out to shopping malls to shop shop :D:D:D:D
bought two shirt yeah !!!!
then ltr went to eat dinner~
second day , went to find my two cousins again and start talking and slacking wif them ~
evening then bused home wif mummy~
hmmm..tat two days should be mon and tue~
wed went to tuition ~
then thurs went to malaysia again~
this time , went back tp perak :D
dad drive us back there~
on car nearly 10 full hrs , ur noe ??!?!?!
in car , took some photos wif cousin , juan and we keep eat alot of snacks in the car , like the mini burger , grape gummy , and sour plums !!! <3
reach there le is like around 3 plus going four le~
went to uncle's sleep till early morning~
went out to eat breakfast~
then ltr went home and bath and slacked wif many many cousins~
i'm like their joker there~
keep saying crazy stuff and making them laugh like crazy hahah :D
then evening , we start dressing up , and doing make up <3
shall show ur the pics soon kay !!
wait for my pretty pics <3
then ltr went for the wedding~
eat eat ~~
around 10 plus then went home~
home le then bath and started slacking wif all my cousins~
we played monopoly deal and talk nonsense tgt~
heheh~~
still got horny de okay~
play till 1 plus then play till sianz liao then we start watching movie tgt<3
watch till 3 plus leh~
pro hor hehehe~~
the next day ~
we went to aunt's house and eat and talk~
saw the bride and groom ~
they play till very crazy then let the groom go inside the room marry the bride lor~
hahah!
then ltr aft eating ,
we start cars and went to taiping~
we greet our grandma , grand aunt .
pray and offerings too~
then ltr went home~
next , we start dressing up and making up again ~
hehehe!
second wedding dinner !!
alot of wedding dinner hor ?!?!
then eat and eat and eat~
after eating , went to big uncle house and slack <3
around 11 then went home~
bath and talk ~
then ltr we cousins start playing mono[oly again~
this time , when we play till 1 plus , we hear something~
it's like just outside our window trying to walk in to our house , all super scare lor ~
but we all pretend tat everything's okay and continue playing
play till 2 then we start watching movie again~ hahah !
watch till 3.30 then went to sleep~
haiz~wake up early in the morning again~
very tired !!!!!
went to eat and pei mummyssss shop some groceries ~
then ltr went home~
this day we slacked whole day , went to aunt's house and slack too~
the next day , finally we went home ~~
this time round ~~
11 plus hrs then we reach home leh~
super tired !!!
okay tat's end of my malaysia trip ~
this week MONDAY.
cousin from malaysia came ~
woke up in the morning then slack abit then satart doing hw le~
still left some hw haven do yet ~
sianz...
tueday~
WENT WILD WILD WET 1!!!
is bring my cousin go there la cus he didn go there before~
went there then we start putting our things in the locker but the locker like find trouble wif me very angry >.< !!!
keep dun let me lock and keep eat my money !
angry !
then ltr efinally lock le
START PLAYING !
play play play then ltr my bro kanna his head on the slide~
and suddenly , he like forget the things he just did , the things i just said to him.
very scary lor.
like anemsia like tat :(
super worried for him
then nvm , we continue to play~
then this time ., my turn to knock my head :(
super pain ... D:
knock till le then suddnely very giddy~~
then we sit down and rest...
suepr pain lor...
then ltr rest very long le then we continuje to play.
now my head swollen D:
then ltr play a whiule more , they say very hungry so we start bathing and packing~
went mac to eat !
bro eat two set and he totally forgot he ate two sets...
sad~
then ltr off home <3
today ~
today didn go whr cus i got two tuition today~
heheh~
then ltr aft tuition went tiong and find bro and cousin~
eat kfc <3
waited for benny to come then we two eat.
bro and cousin went home first~
then stupid benny keep talk nonsense.
then ltr we walked home~
and here i am posting for ur !
and and and...
IT'S HRD TYPING WIF LONG FINGER NAILS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but nvm , gonna start sch le , have to cut short again le~
missing my gals.
yt , jy faun , heather , jennie , ah fang , ah hong , rac ~
miss them alot~
hope to meet up wif them soon ~
tmr gonna go bugis wif bro and cousin and shop shop wif them~
then at night gonna go orchad go shop shop osos ~
gonna be so tired~
anw.
above is my normal life , friends life .
now my love life.
few weeks ago bah ?
went for a choir prac .
went to hy's house.
got quite a few ppl.
of cus. he and her went too.
went there we start pracing a bit then ltr there got dog.
kanna scare by it and nearly cried.
then ltr went to sit beside her.
she's playing piano.
ltr he went to sit beside her.
sat there for 5 mins.
crying hard inside myself for 5 min.
till the time i couldn bear anymore.
i got out of tat small little torturing seat.
i told myself.
i wont cry.i cant cry .
and so i didn . i didn cry for 2 hours.
tat two hours . i was by myself.
crying hard inside myself.
i didn let those tears flow out of my eyes.
till 12pm.
i couldn bear anymore.
i went to the toitlet and cried. sorry.
in there. scolded myself and ask my self to stop crying.
walked out of the toilet.
and i stop crying.
i beared for another 2 hours.
of cus crying hard inside myself.
seeing them . seeing his actions.
it hurts.a feeling tat is undescribable
there was nobody by my side tat time.
i realised . nobody how many ppl say they wil be there for you , when the situation comes ,
you still have to face the prob yourself.
being strong . being independent .
at last.
i couldn stay there any longer.
i said bye to every one there. including him and her.
walked out the house.
i dunno y . but burst out in to tears.
started walking in tears.
till a road.
i stopped.
sat there crying .around half and hour bah...
noone there.
no shoulder. no hands .
no comforting words.
alone.
i was scare but couldn do anything.
started walking again .
went to anchor point crying.
thanks benny for talking to me at tat point of time.
he didn scold me. he talk some sense into me.
i walked. and walked. and went home .
when i was sad devastated , alone .
i saw heather's tag in my blog , yt's comment on my fb status, benny's msg , faun's status , jy's happy face on fb .and i thought of all my others gals .
i stopped crying.
tat was on 9dec.
i sent a fb msg to heather , replied yt's comment , benny's msg , smile at faun's and jy's pic.
and i scolded myself for crying.
scolded myself for being useless and stupid.
i didn noe how to descibe tat feeling.
it's like freed from tat pain.
i told myself . promised mygals .
from tat day onwards .
i want to stop crying , i wan to get out of tat pain.
it's time i start giving up.
they are tgt already.
today .
22 dec.
their two months.
heather replied me .
but in the long replied.
i rmbed one sentence.
which is.
SET YOURSELF FREE FROM THIS PAIN AND LET OTHER HAVE A CHANCE TO LOVE YOU MORE.
the second one is.
LOVE YOURSELF MORE.
i have to stop crying for him.
i promised her. from tat day onwards , my tears are only for my gals.
i promised her.
and so , i did.
I LOVE YOU GALS <3
okay very long post le leh . pics on the next post kay <3
bye !!!
sorry for abandoning this blog for so long .
u noe , kinda busy wif many stuff hahah!
got alot of post tonight too <3
must read finish my this long long post okay <3
hmmm...
first , went back to malaysia two weeks ago for two days <3
went there and went to find my two lovely cousin , jia wei and jia jing.
they both super funny lor~
talked and eat mac wif them
then ltr at night , big cousin took me out to shopping malls to shop shop :D:D:D:D
bought two shirt yeah !!!!
then ltr went to eat dinner~
second day , went to find my two cousins again and start talking and slacking wif them ~
evening then bused home wif mummy~
hmmm..tat two days should be mon and tue~
wed went to tuition ~
then thurs went to malaysia again~
this time , went back tp perak :D
dad drive us back there~
on car nearly 10 full hrs , ur noe ??!?!?!
in car , took some photos wif cousin , juan and we keep eat alot of snacks in the car , like the mini burger , grape gummy , and sour plums !!! <3
reach there le is like around 3 plus going four le~
went to uncle's sleep till early morning~
went out to eat breakfast~
then ltr went home and bath and slacked wif many many cousins~
i'm like their joker there~
keep saying crazy stuff and making them laugh like crazy hahah :D
then evening , we start dressing up , and doing make up <3
shall show ur the pics soon kay !!
wait for my pretty pics <3
then ltr went for the wedding~
eat eat ~~
around 10 plus then went home~
home le then bath and started slacking wif all my cousins~
we played monopoly deal and talk nonsense tgt~
heheh~~
still got horny de okay~
play till 1 plus then play till sianz liao then we start watching movie tgt<3
watch till 3 plus leh~
pro hor hehehe~~
the next day ~
we went to aunt's house and eat and talk~
saw the bride and groom ~
they play till very crazy then let the groom go inside the room marry the bride lor~
hahah!
then ltr aft eating ,
we start cars and went to taiping~
we greet our grandma , grand aunt .
pray and offerings too~
then ltr went home~
next , we start dressing up and making up again ~
hehehe!
second wedding dinner !!
alot of wedding dinner hor ?!?!
then eat and eat and eat~
after eating , went to big uncle house and slack <3
around 11 then went home~
bath and talk ~
then ltr we cousins start playing mono[oly again~
this time , when we play till 1 plus , we hear something~
it's like just outside our window trying to walk in to our house , all super scare lor ~
but we all pretend tat everything's okay and continue playing
play till 2 then we start watching movie again~ hahah !
watch till 3.30 then went to sleep~
haiz~wake up early in the morning again~
very tired !!!!!
went to eat and pei mummyssss shop some groceries ~
then ltr went home~
this day we slacked whole day , went to aunt's house and slack too~
the next day , finally we went home ~~
this time round ~~
11 plus hrs then we reach home leh~
super tired !!!
okay tat's end of my malaysia trip ~
this week MONDAY.
cousin from malaysia came ~
woke up in the morning then slack abit then satart doing hw le~
still left some hw haven do yet ~
sianz...
tueday~
WENT WILD WILD WET 1!!!
is bring my cousin go there la cus he didn go there before~
went there then we start putting our things in the locker but the locker like find trouble wif me very angry >.< !!!
keep dun let me lock and keep eat my money !
angry !
then ltr efinally lock le
START PLAYING !
play play play then ltr my bro kanna his head on the slide~
and suddenly , he like forget the things he just did , the things i just said to him.
very scary lor.
like anemsia like tat :(
super worried for him
then nvm , we continue to play~
then this time ., my turn to knock my head :(
super pain ... D:
knock till le then suddnely very giddy~~
then we sit down and rest...
suepr pain lor...
then ltr rest very long le then we continuje to play.
now my head swollen D:
then ltr play a whiule more , they say very hungry so we start bathing and packing~
went mac to eat !
bro eat two set and he totally forgot he ate two sets...
sad~
then ltr off home <3
today ~
today didn go whr cus i got two tuition today~
heheh~
then ltr aft tuition went tiong and find bro and cousin~
eat kfc <3
waited for benny to come then we two eat.
bro and cousin went home first~
then stupid benny keep talk nonsense.
then ltr we walked home~
and here i am posting for ur !
and and and...
IT'S HRD TYPING WIF LONG FINGER NAILS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but nvm , gonna start sch le , have to cut short again le~
missing my gals.
yt , jy faun , heather , jennie , ah fang , ah hong , rac ~
miss them alot~
hope to meet up wif them soon ~
tmr gonna go bugis wif bro and cousin and shop shop wif them~
then at night gonna go orchad go shop shop osos ~
gonna be so tired~
anw.
above is my normal life , friends life .
now my love life.
few weeks ago bah ?
went for a choir prac .
went to hy's house.
got quite a few ppl.
of cus. he and her went too.
went there we start pracing a bit then ltr there got dog.
kanna scare by it and nearly cried.
then ltr went to sit beside her.
she's playing piano.
ltr he went to sit beside her.
sat there for 5 mins.
crying hard inside myself for 5 min.
till the time i couldn bear anymore.
i got out of tat small little torturing seat.
i told myself.
i wont cry.i cant cry .
and so i didn . i didn cry for 2 hours.
tat two hours . i was by myself.
crying hard inside myself.
i didn let those tears flow out of my eyes.
till 12pm.
i couldn bear anymore.
i went to the toitlet and cried. sorry.
in there. scolded myself and ask my self to stop crying.
walked out of the toilet.
and i stop crying.
i beared for another 2 hours.
of cus crying hard inside myself.
seeing them . seeing his actions.
it hurts.a feeling tat is undescribable
there was nobody by my side tat time.
i realised . nobody how many ppl say they wil be there for you , when the situation comes ,
you still have to face the prob yourself.
being strong . being independent .
at last.
i couldn stay there any longer.
i said bye to every one there. including him and her.
walked out the house.
i dunno y . but burst out in to tears.
started walking in tears.
till a road.
i stopped.
sat there crying .around half and hour bah...
noone there.
no shoulder. no hands .
no comforting words.
alone.
i was scare but couldn do anything.
started walking again .
went to anchor point crying.
thanks benny for talking to me at tat point of time.
he didn scold me. he talk some sense into me.
i walked. and walked. and went home .
when i was sad devastated , alone .
i saw heather's tag in my blog , yt's comment on my fb status, benny's msg , faun's status , jy's happy face on fb .and i thought of all my others gals .
i stopped crying.
tat was on 9dec.
i sent a fb msg to heather , replied yt's comment , benny's msg , smile at faun's and jy's pic.
and i scolded myself for crying.
scolded myself for being useless and stupid.
i didn noe how to descibe tat feeling.
it's like freed from tat pain.
i told myself . promised mygals .
from tat day onwards .
i want to stop crying , i wan to get out of tat pain.
it's time i start giving up.
they are tgt already.
today .
22 dec.
their two months.
heather replied me .
but in the long replied.
i rmbed one sentence.
which is.
SET YOURSELF FREE FROM THIS PAIN AND LET OTHER HAVE A CHANCE TO LOVE YOU MORE.
the second one is.
LOVE YOURSELF MORE.
i have to stop crying for him.
i promised her. from tat day onwards , my tears are only for my gals.
i promised her.
and so , i did.
I LOVE YOU GALS <3
okay very long post le leh . pics on the next post kay <3
bye !!!
Monday, December 6, 2010
好烦啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！多希望现在会有个人在我身边，只要他坐在我旁边也好。
只要坐在我旁边，静静地听我说话。就好了。这样就够了。
心里现在就像是在打战。 一边是好的，一边是坏的。
大家对我说的，我都明白。我甚至也体会过了。
很累，但我却没办法。
一边说着，一切都过去了 ， 他不明白我的心，看不到我的伤心，也体会不到这心痛的滋味。
再怎么地等待，也没用。我知道他心里可能已经有了她， 放手的爱才是真真的爱。
可是，另一边又是一边伤心，以便不想忘记这一段感情。虽然只是短短三个月，但在那三个月，我体会过得幸福。
累了，很累。每天要哭着睡着。 我真的很累。很想放弃，但每次想到要放弃，那眼泪就会流下来。
烦啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
