so what now ?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
i'm gonna start reading up my ss venice for tmr's lesson~ but something is bothering me.
faun's and jiaying's words gone into me , yes i admit.
i dunnno why but when i heard wat they told me , i got the urge to burst out crying . but i controlled it.
i dun wanna to cry again infront of them , it's not becuase they are not my friends or wat, infact they are my closest .
i just dun wan them to see me cry and comfort me cus i noe i will cry more then in the end i dunno why i cry .
they say i actually dun like him anymore , it's just tat i cant bear to let go of our past , cant bear to let go of our memories. maybe i agree but y are my moods still controlled by him ?
can someone just tell me the ans? it's like so much harder then solving a A math Q.
omg.
faun was right.
sometimes , i want to let go but i on the other side , i dun wan to .
sometimes , i dun wan to let go but on the other side , i have to .
everytime i feel helpless and i cant find anyone . i just wan to msg him even if it's just a word "goodnight" to him , when he reply , i just feel a bit comforted . it's like i dun need many ppl to be there for me but just a msg . can anyone understand ?
recently , i feel like i'm disociated from others , including my girls . i dunno y but i just feel like i'm the only one in this world and i'm seperated from all of them . i dunno y i feel this way but aiyaa , i dunno leh .
maybe i'm getting some sort of craziness . hah~
okay i go study liao BYEBYE !
Saturday, July 2, 2011
I always thought i will be able to stay cheeerful no matter wat happen in my sec 4 life but of cus things always goes the unexpected way .first thing tat made me change back was nic's words but for now , i'm really quite okay wif it already . for info*she sadid she dislike me cus i act cute and act guai*
second thing is my family prob la , i mean some family really do have prob but i will face it still cus i noe i'm still quite small * which i dun think so* and i cant do anything to help too~
then come mic . for him , i promised i wont drop a tears for him mean i wont and i didn but i noe when ever i need protections , care and comfort , he's the one that i always think of .
i noe he's not mine already but at least i can still msg him . just looking at his msg , i noe thing will be alright *though it seems to be ridiculous and sound like i'm having a hua chi over him* but then tat's the truth and i wont deny abt it.
then came my studies . i dunno y this year like no motivations to study . i noe it's wrong but i just cant seem to find it. but i will still try .
even though i'm stress out but i noe i can . i believe i can .
because of all this thing , i know i've change to another person again .
always daydreaming and staring into blank space . maybe i just wan to be in my world where there's nothing and i can be who i am .
jy , yt and faun say i'm like a walking zombie cus i become so quiet and strange .
well , i cant denied it but sometimes i just wan to be quiet cus like no mood like tat.
i noe ur dun understand i explain :D the feelings is like when u have menses , understand ??
okay it's 3am now and i'm still here blogging . i must be crazy .
I MISS HEATHER LIN A LOT . saw you tag le okay ! when i have time i will write long long emails to u again de <3
